1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
