So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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