I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize