Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
