Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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