One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
There's even glitter on my cock...
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