I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
