Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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