Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
