google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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