Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
