im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
