pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
