blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
