I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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