Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
