she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
