you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize