Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
