hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
