I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
