i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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