she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
