shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize