she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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