I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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