I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
