I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
