No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
