You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
