Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
