he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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