i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
