My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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