I love black thongs
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
