i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
