So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
