p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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