mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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