shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
