First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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