Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
