just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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