im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
