So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
