i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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