I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
