Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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