You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
