I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Michael Bay diarrhea
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I smell like Dick and happiness
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize