Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
