Soap is not a condiment
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
