my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
