rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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