How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
