Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
