do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I need to calm my uterus...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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