I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm passing your future prison.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
