Apparently you make a good broom.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Too much gin, very little bucket
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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