I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
