I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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