I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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