I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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