Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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