Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
NoShamevember. You game?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
