'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
