I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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